September

I’ve been desperately waiting to write this blog for about half a year and I’m incredibly excited I finally can!

September

September 1999, I was unconfident, shy, lonely and starting secondary school.

Five years later I left school selective mute, suicidal, depressed, hopeless and with no real useful qualifications.

Secondary school taught me a few things…

-          I am ugly

-          I am lazy

-          I am stupid

-          I am worthless

September 2004, I started an apprenticeship and a year later finished it with an NVQ 2 in childcare.

September 2009 I’d finished my NVQ 3 and ended up in a management position by January 2010.

I dreamed of studying further but the lies I’d learnt in secondary school

-          I am ugly

-          I am lazy

-          I am stupid

-          I am worthless

Alongside financial instability prevented me.

Everything in life went a bit awful and I September 2012 I travelled to Australia to live with some people I met on the internet… (Spoilers it did NOT end well).

After a trip to America (Detroit), I found myself staying with my Brother in Seaton…. I was really very poorly (I later discovered I have a complicated mental health issue called DID, which in short is a complicated form of PTSD).

September 2013, I found myself navigating the application process to Mercy Uk and November 2013 I found myself amongst other residents in the beautiful Mercy house.

Mercy taught me how to function and how to actually live rather than survive. Reflecting now the most life changing things for me were…

-          People believed in me. My facilitator (who I adored) (and still do) genuinely believed I had potential to go far in life… When she told me as much something really clicked for me. A spark sparked… No one had ever told me they believed in me or that they saw potential in me before.

-          Mercy helped me take the things I’d learnt in school and see them for what they really were. Lies.

-          With their help I took the words

I am ugly

-          I am lazy

-          I am stupid

-          I am worthless

And replaced them with a single truth.

-          I am His.

Discovering that Father God, creator of the Universe calls ME daughter helped me dare to dream again.

I left Mercy Summer 2014 determined to make a difference in the world. I danced about a bit trying to work out what to do with myself but….

September 2015, I enrolled in college and retook GCSE Maths and English.

In early 2016, I began to lose the control I’d developed over my mental health and started trauma therapy.

Studying, working and navigating my way through trauma was incredibly hard and I remember several occasions losing the ability to read and being confused about where I was… Both these things happened in my English exam! I also started finding myself in places and not knowing exactly how I got there (which hadn’t happened since early 2013). Despite this I finished college with B’s in both English and Maths!
My English teacher told me I had a gift for writing which still makes me feel proud to this day!

September 2016, I enrolled on an access to higher education course in social science.
It.
Was.

Hard.

So hard. I ended up slipping back into discorded eating, self-mutilation and abusing laxatives. I got signed off work, upped therapy to twice a week, had to check in with my GP once a week for seemingly forever (a couple of months) and was one slip up away from getting myself sectioned.

Despite all of this I am VERY pleased to announce…

I passed!
15 credits at DISTINCTION
21 credits at Merit

9 credits at Pass

Not dreadful for someone spending a large percentage of her time dissociated!

This all means….

*Drum roll*

September 2017…..

I’ll be….

STARTING A DEGREE!

I’ll be attending UWE (University West of England) and I’ll be studying Early Childhood.

I am so excited and I am so grateful.

I wouldn’t be in this position were it not for my husband Dave, God mother Dawn, everyone at Mercy United Kingdom (especially Catrina, Natalie, Debbie and Jennie), my wonderful Therapist, the wonderful, understanding family I had the privilege of working for… (I wouldn’t have been able to work for as long as I did without such amazingly understanding employers and such wonderfully behaved children) and my wonderful supportive friends!

The next three years are going to be a challenge but I’m looking forward to it. My mental health is getting better every day and not only do I have control over my parts again but the traumas I’ve experienced have less effect on all of me and I’m finally learning to feel/ process emotions in an effective and safe way.

I have huge plans for after my degree but I’m going to talk about those in a separate post… Or maybe I’ll do a vlog!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post!
If you enjoyed it feel free to check out my social media!

Vicky xxx